Have you ever seen someone so angry that you think that they might lose control completely? They start to rant incoherently, they gesticulate wildly and anyone that comes across their path feels their wrath. Rational thought is replaced by emotional overreaction, and you instinctively try to keep well out of the way.
However, what if you have to solve a pressing issue with this person? What if you are waiting for them to deliver on a deadline? What if they are your Manager and hold your future in their hands? Sometimes you have to engage with angry people, stepping into the frying pan and sometimes then into the fire. You can’t avoid angry people all the time, sometimes you have no choice, so what can you do to ensure that your engagement is as fruitful as possible?
Anger takes many forms – as well as outright aggression, there is the more insidious passive aggression that we all know so well. Much has been written about that, but I would like to focus on what to do when people genuinely “lose it”. How do you cope when someone is on the verge of screaming the place down? How do you ratchet down the tension and focus their mind on where it needs to be?
Here a couple of ideas for dealing with an angry boss:
Keep your emotions in check. The first thing to do is ensure that you are not going to “mirror” their behaviour. This is an entirely natural phenomenon, and when someone gets angry, we automatically feel our levels of anger rise. Take a few deep breaths and react to the facts of the matter rather than the way in which they are being presented. If you can keep a lid on things, you will minimise the risk of emotions escalating yet further.
Confide in a colleague. Gossip rarely leads to anything good, but if you feel like you are in an emotional hurricane, there will often be other people who are feeling the same thing. Sometimes sharing your coping strategies in confidence can work, although it is important that you are discreet with your discussions. That feeling that you are on your own as the target of someone’s anger can be very lonely – it may be easier to handle if you are “in it together”.
Remove yourself from the situation. It sometimes pays to walk away when you have a chance. This doesn’t mean standing up and leaving a meeting early, but it could simply be a walk around the block at lunchtime to regain that crucial sense of perspective. Once you have removed yourself from the situation it is often easier to grab a quick five minutes with the person concerned and maybe attempt to have a rational discussion about what is bothering them. Walking away doesn’t mean forgetting about it, it means choosing your battles.
Understand the triggers. Often, anger follows a certain pattern, and if you witness enough angry outbursts, it is possible to analyse what caused them. Everyone has their own particular buttons that cause them to lose control, so if you are mindful of these triggers, your world may be that bit calmer. I would never advocate treading on egg shells around someone – the anger is their problem, not yours, but if an unpleasant situation can be avoided without any consequences, then why not make your day a little easier?
Ultimately if your company culture is dominated by aggression, you may wish to ask yourself is this the right culture for you? You may not think it, but you do have a choice of where you work.
With over 20 years’ global expertise in Human Capital, Faz Fazal is the Managing Director of Riley Cameron. Riley Cameron is one of Australia’s leading specialist providers of Human Capital Advisory services. Visit our website at www.RileyCameron.com.au